Whoaaa, I feel a little shell shocked.

Tonight I got my ass kicked a little again, but I’m glad to say I fought back just as hard. Like in that Dylan Thomas poem where it says, “Do not go gentle into that good night…. Rage, rage against the dying of the light
Not tooting my own horn or nuthin’ but I think I was doing pretty fine in the beginning. I was keeping up on dates (I learned my lesson yesterday), keeping up the pace, making the food look pretty.

And then a huge push came and it seemed like EVERYONE wanted something off my station. In a span of, like, 2 minutes, I went from having 3 pork shoulders in the oven to having 8 orders total coming in. Plus 3 chickens, 2 sausages, a couple of burrata, pork terrine… dates, dates, dates, DATES, LOAF OMFGIWANTTOKILLMYSELFAUGHHHHHHHH
Luckily, Katie helped me out of my jam by taking over some of the terrines and dates, and had no problems with me asking to put things in her oven. I was really good about that. No weird stupid pride today about “Oh no, station 2 is helping me out of a jam, I must be soooo lame and can’t keep up.” I might have thought that for about a millisecond, but then reality set in and was like, “Get food out NOW, Stupid! Go, go, go, GO!!” I burned myself a couple of times (the worst of them is almost the size of a quarter) but I just accepted it and slogged through.

Later when it was all over, Katie told me that Koren almost thought about pulling me off the line. She’d asked Katie if I should step off, but apparently Katie backed me up. I don’t know how to feel about that, except that I’m grateful that Katie believed in me. I’m also glad Koren didn’t pull an executive decision and ordered me off, cos then I would’ve had to comply, which would’ve dampered my spirits and resulted in a pretty sad blog. I’m glad someone gave me a chance to stick it through, which is what I ended up doing. Looking back, I’m sure while I was toiling through the push, that little voice of mine reminded me that others before me have done the same and survived, so there was no reason I couldn’t.

Katie and I shared a cab to the station and she gave me a lot of good insight, some pep-talking, and post-push analysis that reaffirms what I already feel: I’m getting better, the push threw me for a loop, and the Little Voice that tells me I can and will do it will always ensure my success.

I wish I could put the working theory to the test, but sadly the rest of my schedule is prep. A good respite, but I know it’s going to throw me off balance if I’m scheduled back on the line next week. Goddammit, we need an intern. So I’m not pushed and pulled in different directions, so I can focus strictly on the line without worrying if someone messed up the deviled eggs (which someone did, sigh =_=), so I can train my muscle memory.
It’s funny how I’m actually disappointed that I’ll be prepping the rest of this week. I feel like I’m making headway in becoming a line cook!

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